More than Just Hormones

Today I heard a tale about my friend confessing his feelings to a girl. Well, it’s not as if that’s something newsworthy, but the girl subtly expressed that she does not feel the same. My friend’s gotten the message perfectly; proof of it is their avoidance from each other even though they sit in the same class and they hang out with the same people – one of whom includes me. 

Well, it shouldn’t really make a fuss out of anything, and neither should I find it eligible to be this essay’s introduction, but coincidence has played with me today, and I can’t help but think about it.

A debate instructor gave my classmates an assignment wherein they will have a minute to explain what love is to them.

Forgive me, but it will take me more than that to explain what love is. But first, let me be very clear that I am not debating with anyone, and that what I will explain here isn’t subject for a debate. I do respect everyone’s opinion so I hope others will do the same. If someone disagrees with me, he is very much welcome to click that X button at the top part of his screen, or he can blog about his insights too. Thank you.

First, love for me isn’t just a mere secretion of hormones. Many brilliant people think that way, and as they have explained, we feel love because the body secretes Oxytocin, etc. whenever our loved one touches our hand, or kisses us. That’s why we feel pleased and euphoric, at least according to Science.

However, as we all know, Science can only answer the “How” questions. A famous scientist who happens to be an Atheist explained that the “Why” question is irrelevant, is nonsense.

This isn’t about that, but what I’m trying to say is that Science cannot answer why we feel loved whenever our partner brings us gifts or kisses us or tells us that we mean the world to them, if we are to apply what my mysterious scientist friend said.

One could argue that the secretion of hormones explains why we feel loved, while the touching of the hands explains how we feel it. However, that is not true. It’s not everytime that I feel elated whenever my girlfriend touches my hand. Many times when I am angry her sweet words “I love you” doesn’t make me forget my anger. I’d still be angry and my happy hormones would still be not at play.

How does a car run? We cannot say that it runs by having gears and gasoline and wheels, and neither can we say that a car runs because someone is making it run. No. It runs because someone who wants to go somewhere is stepping on the gas. Nobody drives a car for no purpose. He may be running in circles, but we know he has a reason why. Maybe he’s practicing, or maybe he’s imagining he’s competing against Michael Schumacher.

And so, we cannot say that we feel love because our body secretes hormones, any more than we can say that a car is running because the engine is burning gasoline and the wheels are rotating very, very fast.

The truth is, I didn’t have a crush on my girlfriend by the time I fell in love with her; she actually knew about those women I dreamed of marrying because at first, I only saw her as a friend, and as a sister. She looked up to me, and I kind of became her older brother back then. But things got in the way and before too long I found myself caring for her more than a friend should. I wanted to make sure she doesn’t suffer another tragedy with another bastard and I wanted her to experience the fact that love is a beautiful thing. I didn’t see these coming.

What is love for me? Oh I don’t know. It might take a lifetime to find that out, and I hope that my beloved and I will find the answer together. But whatever that is, it certainly is meant to be shared.

I hope my friend does not give up seeking for it, either.

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